Today it has been two months since you've been gone. I still keep expecting to see you in the house walking from your bedroom to the bathroom or walking up the front walkway, limping slightly with your sore hips and feet. I still can't sleep through the night. Every time I wake up I think of you during those last few days and how difficult that was and I can't go back to sleep. My arms ache from not being able to hug you and I can't find a place for them as I lay down. No position is comfortable. I am never comfortable anymore. There is a constant sensation of things just feeling "wrong." Nothing makes sense. It still doesn't make sense. How can you be gone? What happened to watching you grow up, have a family, and get older? Nothing makes sense anymore. I miss you SO much! I worry that I might forget something about you...forget some important memory...yet I can't bring myself to write it all down...at least not now. I think of you all the time and wish I could hear your sweet voice say "mama" again. I wish I could tuck you in and kiss you good night and answer "I love you more," when you tell me you love me. I wish I could brush your hair and kiss the back of your neck when I'm done. I wish I could hold you and hug you and take in your smell - enough to last me forever. I send you hugs and kisses and all of my love wherever you are in heaven. <3